It was a stinky holiday for Virgil Bliss.
Virgil Bliss spent part of Christmas Eve
stuck upside down in the openin’ of his septic tank,
with his head inside and his feet kickin’ in the ayah above.
“It wern't good, I'll tell you what," said Virgil.
“It was the wust Christmas Eve I've evah had.
I was sittin’ on the new second hand plummin’.
Why it was only in ninety-nine that we had the indoor biffy put in,
but as I was sayin’, I was sittin’ theyah an I pulled the chain,
and that cold watah came a gurglin’ up around mah rear.
Gave me some surprise, I tell you.
Well I dried off and hitched up my trowsahs
and come out here to see what was the mattah,
and by gum I could see that the honey tank was overflowing.
Well I pried off the top, got a bucket an bailed a bit
‘till I could reach in an’ loosen the clog.
Well, mah foot slipped, ah lost mah balance and fell in head fust,
and got wedged in the openin’.
There I was with mah feet kickin’ in the ayah
and mah arms a splashin’ in the muck.
You bet I hollah’d for help, but Hettie couldn’t heah a word.
She had Jeopardy on the Tivo with the sound way up loud.
It must’a been ovah an howah before she missed me.
Aftah she stopped a laughin’ she tugged on
mah legs but she couldn’t budge me an inch.
Finally she called Ernest Twombly what had the Honey Wagon
And he come with his truck and he and Hettie yanked me out tugethah.
Why, I thought it was the end of mah life, I tell yuh!
Thank God Hettie’s program was ovah and she come a-looking for me.
I don’t think I couldah stood stayin’ in there much longah.”
Virgil’s New Second Hand Toilet
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