Janet Gates’ First Prayer

“Perley, for God’s sake shut up.  You’re driving me nuts.”

“Lord, I do pray for Janet Lord, that you might save her Lord.  Lord, she’s a sinner, Lord, and she needs you so much Lord.”

“Perley, shut up. It’s 2 AM.”

“Uh…excuse me Lord, I, uh… Janet, you hadn’t ought to interrupt my prayers.  Jesus Christ is just the most important thing in my life, and He should be the most important thing in your…”

“You want to pray Perley, get the hell out of the bedroom and let me sleep.  Don’t bother me with your Jesus crap.  Don’t even mention your drippy Jesus.”

“I just want what’s best for you Janet.  I just want you to know Jesus like I know Him.”

Janet Gates hates Jesus Christ, and with good cause.  Look what he’d done to Perley.  Sniveling at 2 AM.  Ever since he went down the aisle at that Holy Roller meeting, he’d been unbearable.  Jesus Christ!  For the first time in forty years of married life Janet Gates clenched her small bony hand and belted Perley in the eye.

“Goddammit,” said Perley.  His hand flew to his eye.  Then his face blanched as he realized what he’d just said.

Janet Gates rolled over and buried her face in the pillow.  Then, very softly, she whispered, “Thank you, Jesus.”