The Painted Turtle

From our Down East Correspondent Shadrach Spencer

            Elmer Standfast was a mite slow, but he had a skill thet set him apart from his fellows. He had a sharp eye and a steady hand at throwin’ darts; which is why every September he could hardly wait for the County Fair over at Pittston.  Come early August Elmer could be found every evenin’ a-throwin’ darts down at the Badger Pub so as he would be practiced up for the Fair.

            Openin’ day Elmer could hardly wait. He parked his Raleigh bike near the ticket office and chained it to tree, bought hisself a ticket and headed through the gate. His first stop always was right at the beginnin’ of the midway.  There was magnificent Balloon and Darts Game. Elmer sidled right up and looked the distance ovah from the countah to the big board with the balloons, nodded a few times, paid his twenty-five cents and picked up his three darts. He drew his arm back and threw the first dart. Pop! He threw the second dart. Pop! He threw the third dart. Pop! Three in a row.

            “Well throwed! You got a good eye, mistah,” said the Carny, What’ll you have? You gotta pick from this here table.”

            Elmer looked the table over carefully and spotted some little painted turtles in a glass bowl, “I’ll have one o’ them he said,” with obvious satisfaction.

            The Carny gave him a little painted turtle and Elmer headed down the midway. The Balloon and Dart Game was not the only thing he liked at the County Fair. Elmer loved them bumper cars and spent a good five dollars ridin’ around and around, bumpin’ into other cars and whoopin’. The Carny at the bumper cars was right glad when Elmer moved on and gave others a chance.

            Later in the afternoon Elmer was happy and jes’ a little tired.  As he left the midway he stopped for one last time at the Balloon and Darts Game. He paid his twenty-five cents and picked up his three darts, drew his arm back and threw the first dart. Pop! He threw the second dart. Pop! He threw the third dart. Pop! Three in a row.

            “You sure got an eye, Mistah,” said the Carny. “What’ll you have this time?”

            Elmer looked the table over for a minute, then pointin’ at the glass bowl of little painted turtles said, “I’ll have another one o’ them crunchy little meat pies. They're real tasty.”   

            The Carny stared at Elmer for a moment as though is eyes would bug out; then he shook his head and finally said, “Well, there’s a purpose for everythin’, but that sure ain’t one o’ em!”